Have you ever wished you could have something so bad, even though you knew it was forbidden?
Jonathan Gates was just that—forbidden. He was everything I could ever want in a man: charming, a great listener, open-minded, and funny. It also didn’t hurt that he was easy on the eyes.
We’d been through a lot together: breakups, makeups, firsts, lasts, and anything else you can imagine. I was once told he was my soul mate, but I refused to believe that. I didn’t want to love him. I didn’t want to fall for him because…he was my best friend!
But I did, and I fell for him hard. I was in love with my best friend, and it was time he knew how I really felt.
Journal Entry: Why does this keep happening to me?Dear Journal,
Why does this keep happening to me? Why is it that every single time he leaves I’m completely devastated and unable to fully recover, but the minute he comes back to me it’s like nothing ever happened? It’s like my heart is playing a cruel joke on me and picks back up where things left off.
He is the only person that could affect me deep down in my core and it scares me. It makes me feel like he is the only person I truly belong to, and maybe it wouldn’t be so bad if he’d stop breaking my heart.
If he could see through my eyes, just once, maybe he wouldn’t hurt me again. Maybe he wouldn’t toy with me, and maybe he’d believe that we were soul mates. When Sarah told me that all those years ago, I laughed; I didn’t believe in it then, but I’m convinced now.
There has to be some fate or strong pull from the universe that’s destined us to be together, and if this was the sign to wake us both up to smell the roses, then I needed more time before I’d accept it.
Time. I’ll give you time, Johnny, but you’ll have to work for it.
Niquel is a self diagnosed coffee addict, lover of rice and beans, and chocolate—preferably not all together. She’s the creator of multiple stories full of love, passion, and power. She may toss in a ghost story every once in a while.
When she’s not busy taking care of her two little girls, she’s writing or creating graphics Or you can find her binge watching TV with her significant other.
Boston born and raised, she’s always been a creative soul: attending multiple colleges to develop her love of the visual arts.
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